Monday, May 15, 2006

Why I have become the most boring person in the world

I have become the most boring person in the world.

It all started about a week ago on a bright sunny day. It was one of those spring days when everything is perfect. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The sky was a perfect shade of blue that I have seldom seen except in Michigan in the spring and fall. The sky was the kind of blue that makes a person want to just leap up and jump in.

I was at work and ran into a co-worker I dont see around too much anymore. I dont talk him daily the way I once did so like everyone else in the world who isnt sure of how to start a conversation, I used the age old time testing 100% guaranteed ice breaker, The Weather. Really, It was a totally innocent, "Hey, nice day, eh?" I didnt mean anything by it...not really.

But his reply turned out to be a forecast of total and complete horror. He said, "I heard it is going to rain for a week"

I laughed him off and told myself that surely he must be exaggerating. I mean come on! A whole week. This is Michigan. The weather never stays the same *that* long. And even if it were to rain every day during a week, it surely wouldnt rain *all* day. There would be dry moments.

But there werent. It has now rained every day since last Wednesday and the forecast for the next two days is rain. And it hasnt just rained but it has rained ALL day, every day. It has rained so much that every bit of the world is GREEN. The grass is all bright green. The leaves on the trees are all green. The weeds by the side of the road are green. GREEN GREEN GREEN. Green is my favorite color but enough already!

Of course, all of this rain is causing the lawn to grow...and GROW! The truth is that even though I mowed the front lawn only a week ago, it is in danger of looking unkept and some small parts of it might get to be 10in tall which means that the city could come mow. My backyard is even longer but luckily cannot be seen from the street so I am (hopefully) protected from any complaints. Still, I worry that on Wednesday morning the city will come around to mow while I am at work. I cant mow when it is raining and I cant mow when I am work and the first time when it will be dry enough for me to mow and when I have time to mow will be Wednesday evening.

I have become obsessed with this rain and the mowing and have found that I am almost completely unable to talk about anything else. Oh, it used to be that I could go to a party and talk about all the current events of the day but not anymore. Conversations with me at the moment would go like this:

Them: So what do you think about the government listening in on our phone conversations?

Me: Oh, that isnt so bad. Not when compared to when the government comes and MOWS your LAWN with NO WARNING whenever even one blade of grass gets close to 10 inches tall.

Them: I am so worried about all of this torture in the world.

Me: Yeah, eight days of rain is certainly torture. Did I mention that rain makes the lawn grow?

Well, you get the idea. Dont invite me to any parties until the sun starts shining and my lawn is mowed. It really is for your own good and the welfare of your other guests.

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