I was reading a post today written by chicalookate where she writes: "The return of leggings... Why? (If I can see your celulite your pants are too tight.)"
It reminded me of a post I read recently about being pretty*. A post which was inspired by a discussion about leggings.
Erin at A Dress A Day (a fashion blog) writes a post that sums up exactly how I feel whenever discussions about fashion faux pas crop up.
She writes: But what does you-don't-have-to-be-pretty mean in practical, everyday terms? It means that you don't have to apologize for wearing things that are held to be "unflattering" or "unfashionable" -- especially if, in fact, they make you happy on some level deeper than just being pretty does. So what if your favorite color isn't a "good" color on you? So what if you are "too fat" (by some arbitrary measure) for a sleeveless top? If you are clean, are covered enough to avoid a citation for public indecency, and have bandaged any open wounds, you can wear any color or style you please, if it makes you happy.
I have always felt somewhat uncomfortable when discussions come up about how people look and especially discussions about the clothes people wear but never have been able to verbalize well why I feel that way. This post says what I would have said if I had been able to come up with the words. No one owes it to anyone to be pretty or to dress a certain way. The only time I have personally heard such comments directed at me have usually been at the beach when people will sometimes remark that they think that fat people should just stay at home rather than subjecting normal people to the site of our fat rolls (a condition that apparently can ruin some beach goers whole day) and I have always felt that it seemed pretty arrogant of them to assume that I would have any interest in improving their aesthetic appreciation of the beach rather than being there for my own enjoyment.
*hat tip to Body Impolitic for the link.
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Battlestar Galactica Character Gets Fat
BattleStar Galactica
I don’t get the Sci Fi channel so I have to download Battlestar Galactica from iTunes. I finally got around to downloading the first four episodes of Season 3 this weekend. It is as good as ever and better in some ways. It is a brilliant show.
But I do have one quibble with the writers. At the beginning of the first episode they apparently wanted to show that one of the main characters had lost his edge and had become weak and “soft” and not as capable of being a leader as he had been previously. The writers wanted to show all of this quickly and apparently didnt want to waste a lot of time. So how did they accomplish this? Why, they made the character gain weight of course!
This character then gets wake up calls as people close to him point out his weight to him and admonish him for “being weak” and for “getting soft” while making it clear that one of the main symptoms of that is his weight. Only one character says anything at all that kind of separates the issue of weight and personality flaw by saying something like “you have gone soft and I am not talking about the weight” but otherwise, it is pretty clear that the weight is being used as a plot device to make it VERY CLEAR to the viewer that this character just doesnt cut the mustard anymore and isnt a leader. He is fat because he is weak (and only weak people get fat). He is fat because he is having trouble making hard decisions and is thus “soft.” Interestingly that term “soft” is pretty much the same as calling a guy a “pussy” and is as much a reference to body fat as it is a reference to femininity but I will excuse the patriarchal language because the show has so many women characters who are portrayed in such strong ways. The point is though that this guy’s character has a major defect that is visually apparent. We might not notice his flaw except that it made him fat. .
Over the course of the first few episodes of the series, this particular character goes though some soul searching and eventually regains his mental edge and his leadership potential. The story arch of this character’s struggle ends with him making a comment about how he has an appointment with a jump rope: the clear message being that now that he has regained his edge and has become a leader capable of making hard choices again, his body will soon follow. Because of course fat people can just lose weight by jumping rope a little bit and because, of course, a person with leadership abilities and good decision making skills wouldnt allow himself to remain fat.
Now, of course I realized that the writers might not have intended any of that as a slight against fat people. And I think that having a character gain weight is a valid way of showing that a character who formally worked out enough to be rather buff has stopped doing that for whatever reason. But in the absence of any fat characters on the show who are shown being strong and good leaders, it makes the use of a weight gain to show weakness particularly stinging to me.
But other than that, HOLY COW is this season shaping up to be amazing. If you havent watched this show yet, get out and rent the first couple of seasons. Do this even if you generally don’t like Science Fiction as a genre because this show is a well written drama that gets into some pretty interesting issues: abortion, election stealing, occupied nations, religion, etc.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Chadwick Florest (I think)
Fall used to be my favorite season because it is hands down the most beautiful time of the year here in Michigan. Plus it is the season that has Halloween in it and that is a whole holiday that revolves around dressing up the way you really want to and eating CANDY. Lately though, I think that summer is my favorite season but Autumn is a close second and even though the days are shorter and colder than in summer, there are moments of breathtaking beauty that almost make up for not being able to go swimming and see sunshine.
I pretty much drive the same route to and from work every day and I have driven that same route pretty much every day for years. Every fall, I notice this place because I drive by just at the time when the sun strikes the red leaves of this bush in just the right way. I kind of like old signs too. Every year I tell myself that I will stop and take a picture of it but I usually either forget my camera or am too eager to get home after work so I dont. This year, however, I finally took the picture. I am glad I did too because I have learned that old signs like that can disappear overnight and then they are lost forever.
I pretty much drive the same route to and from work every day and I have driven that same route pretty much every day for years. Every fall, I notice this place because I drive by just at the time when the sun strikes the red leaves of this bush in just the right way. I kind of like old signs too. Every year I tell myself that I will stop and take a picture of it but I usually either forget my camera or am too eager to get home after work so I dont. This year, however, I finally took the picture. I am glad I did too because I have learned that old signs like that can disappear overnight and then they are lost forever.
Monday, October 23, 2006
OH those crazy senior citizens!
Sometimes my family is goofy. This was an actual exchange between my
father and his sister.
Aunt Ann: So? Are you coming over to my house for Christmas?
Dad: Sure, when is that?
Aunt Ann: Um...December 25th
Dad: So it is the same as last year? Oh good.
father and his sister.
Aunt Ann: So? Are you coming over to my house for Christmas?
Dad: Sure, when is that?
Aunt Ann: Um...December 25th
Dad: So it is the same as last year? Oh good.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
The Church of the Slot Machine
I am an generally an atheist. But every once in a while, I have a moment where I find myself wondering if just maybe...there might be a God/Goddess/Higher Power, etc. Mostly is because of some long talks with a friend of mine who believes that God sends people into our lives or puts us into situations in order to teach us something. And while I don’t actually believe that, I do occasionally ask myself, “If there were a Goddess and she put me in this situation, what is the lesson I am supposed to learn”? And then there are times when the lesson just seems oh-so-obvious. I had a brief moment of that tonight...
I went to Detroit with a friend to go to one of the casinos there. I went even though I think that I have a personality that could be prone to developing a gambling problem. I probably shouldnt go at all but I *really* like it. I like it enough that I can justify my losses as an entertainment expense as long as I can keep control of myself while I am there in the casino.
Money is a little bit tight for me this week so I told myself that I would only allow myself to lose $20. $20 is an amount, btw, that can be lost in a casino in a matter of seconds if one is not careful. But no matter, I can nurse my $20 by playing the low denomination slot machines which generally means that since I am not risking much, I don’t stand to win much either. But that is ok. Still, it is hard for me.
Anyways, I had $100 in my pocket because earlier in the day, I went to the bank and got out that $100. But I pretty much need $80 of it for the rest of week for things like buying lunch at work and for buying VERY IMPORTANT things like...oh I don’t know...pizza and beer. At any rate, after a couple of very enjoyable hours in the casino, I had lost $12 or so but I found myself in a state of mind where I wanted more. I could feel the $80 burning a hole in my pocket. I kept having a compulsion to just put it all in a slot machine and go mad. There is something about all those lights and ringing bells that makes me feel I just must put the money into the slot machine.
So there I was with “MUST PUT MONEY IN SLOT MACHINE” running through my mind like some kind of crazy mantra. But it was getting late and I was resisting the urge to see how fast I could lose the rest of my money in a slot machine.. I chose that moment to remark to my friend that it was probably a good time to leave because she had won $70 or so and I had only lost $12. I told her too that we HAD to go because I was feeling like I didnt want to be in control anymore and if I lost that $80, I was going to be grumpy and no one wants *that*! I even said something about how I thought I could be the type of person to have a gambling problem.
And just then a haggard looking woman walked up to me and asked me for a dollar. And I thought, “Now there is a person with a gambling problem.” Because I imagine that she must have lost everything but even after that couldnt bring herself to leave the joint. The timing was perfect too and certainly firmed up my resolve to quit before losing more dough. And I have to admit that if I did believe in God, I would think that woman was sent to me just then to help me as I learn to control at least one of my bad habits.
But I don’t belive in God so I suppose it was just a fortunate coincidence for me (although not fortunate for the woman begging money on the floor of the casino).
I went to Detroit with a friend to go to one of the casinos there. I went even though I think that I have a personality that could be prone to developing a gambling problem. I probably shouldnt go at all but I *really* like it. I like it enough that I can justify my losses as an entertainment expense as long as I can keep control of myself while I am there in the casino.
Money is a little bit tight for me this week so I told myself that I would only allow myself to lose $20. $20 is an amount, btw, that can be lost in a casino in a matter of seconds if one is not careful. But no matter, I can nurse my $20 by playing the low denomination slot machines which generally means that since I am not risking much, I don’t stand to win much either. But that is ok. Still, it is hard for me.
Anyways, I had $100 in my pocket because earlier in the day, I went to the bank and got out that $100. But I pretty much need $80 of it for the rest of week for things like buying lunch at work and for buying VERY IMPORTANT things like...oh I don’t know...pizza and beer. At any rate, after a couple of very enjoyable hours in the casino, I had lost $12 or so but I found myself in a state of mind where I wanted more. I could feel the $80 burning a hole in my pocket. I kept having a compulsion to just put it all in a slot machine and go mad. There is something about all those lights and ringing bells that makes me feel I just must put the money into the slot machine.
So there I was with “MUST PUT MONEY IN SLOT MACHINE” running through my mind like some kind of crazy mantra. But it was getting late and I was resisting the urge to see how fast I could lose the rest of my money in a slot machine.. I chose that moment to remark to my friend that it was probably a good time to leave because she had won $70 or so and I had only lost $12. I told her too that we HAD to go because I was feeling like I didnt want to be in control anymore and if I lost that $80, I was going to be grumpy and no one wants *that*! I even said something about how I thought I could be the type of person to have a gambling problem.
And just then a haggard looking woman walked up to me and asked me for a dollar. And I thought, “Now there is a person with a gambling problem.” Because I imagine that she must have lost everything but even after that couldnt bring herself to leave the joint. The timing was perfect too and certainly firmed up my resolve to quit before losing more dough. And I have to admit that if I did believe in God, I would think that woman was sent to me just then to help me as I learn to control at least one of my bad habits.
But I don’t belive in God so I suppose it was just a fortunate coincidence for me (although not fortunate for the woman begging money on the floor of the casino).
Monday, October 16, 2006
An Ypsilanti Pizza Review
Cici's Pizza
I skipped lunch today. That is my excuse. You see, I was *really* hungry when I drove by that new Cici's Pizza Buffet place. I decided that pizza sounded good for dinner and somehow the rumbling in my tummy turned my brain off. Otherwise, it might have occurred to me that the pizza in a place located in the same strip mall as WalMart, that advertises an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet for under $5, might not have the best pizza in town.
While I was waiting for the pizza I ordered, I took the opportunity to take a look at their buffet. It seemed pretty straight forward. There were three kinds of tossed salads differentiated as far as I could tell mostly by the type of dressing they put on the lettuce (italian, ranch, or ceasar). There were some uninspiring looking breadsticks and some decent looking desserts. There were around a dozen different kinds of pizza and also pasta with a choice of marinara or alfredo sauces.
I decided to get a medium pizza "to go" since I wasnt in the mood to eat in. I ordered just a plain old pepperoni pizza because I believe that pepperoni pizzas are the pizzas to judge all other pizzas by. If a place can make a decent pepperon pizza, it is a good bet that all of their other pizzas will pass muster too. I have to say that after eating a slice of the pizza I ordered, I immediately realized how Cici's might be able to turn a profit on their all-you-can-eat buffet because I realized that one slice was about all I could eat of this pizza. The dogs liked it though but they eat cat poop at every opportunity so I wouldnt take it to mean much that they liked it. Although I havent eaten Domino's Pizza in years, I think that this pizza might be even worse or at the very least along the same vein. It isnt entirely uneatable and might appeal to someone who just wants something bland that tastes like cheese and tomato sauce on cardboard. I will give Cici's one thumbs up though. They do seem to use a pepperoni that has *some* flavor to it. Not enough to make it worth anyone's while to actually go there though.
Domino's Pizza
I have decided to include Domino's Pizza in my review mostly because I think it is one of the world's great ironies that one of the world's largest sellers of bad pizza could get its start in a town like Ypsilanti Michigan where there is good pizza everywhere. Before going to Cici's, I would have said that Domino's makes the WORST pizza in town but now I think they might have a run for their money.
Aubree's
The truth is that I have only had a proper pizza from Aubree's a couple of times. I seldom seem to order pizza there anymore though because I usually seem to end up there during happy hour when their Calzones are half price. But Calzones are really just folded up pizza so I feel qualified to write a review of Aubree's pizza.
Generally I think that Aubree's Pizzas are pretty darn good. They might even be the best pizza in town. The crust has a nice texture and flavor. The sauce has character. The toppings are of a quality one would expect from a good pizza. All in all, a winner. I would even say Aubree's happy hour half price calzones are the best pizza value in all of Ypsilanti except that I usually find myself having a couple happy hour mojitos or martinis or whatever the drink of the day happens to be so I end up spending more money than I would otherwise and sometimes have to walk home afterwards. Oh well, the atmosphere is good there and I usually go with friends so it is all good. In fact, I can honestly say that Aubree's is one of my favorite places to meet up with folks.
Mr Pizza
This is a local chain but you know what, it is pretty darn good pizza. It isnt very expensive either. The have all the usual things that make a good pizza. Good toppings and good sauce. It is their crust that I like the best though. It is all nice and crispy on the outside but really soft on the inside. It is strong enough to hold the toppings without tasting like cardboard. I probably eat their pizza the most because it is so cheap and so close by that I can easily take advantage of their pick-up specials.
Mr Pizza has a menu that includes a lot of non-pizza items and also has a catagory that I like to think of as "things we can make out of pizza dough." My very favorite guilty pleasure from that section of their menu are the cinnamon sticks which are pizza dough with cinnamon sugar and vanilla icing. It is sugar shock in the extreme so I dont get it very often but if you are jonesing for some sugar, it is one pretty good way to get it. I like those things more than I like donuts.
Happy's Pizza
This is a pretty new place over near the corner of Michigan Ave and Ecorse Rd. I tried it a few months ago right after they opened. I dont have much to say about them . Their pizza was decent but not as good or as cheap as Mr Pizza's which is it's main competition. Like Mr Pizza, they have a huge non-pizza menu. Basically, my opinion of them is that you wont go wrong there but why bother when Mr Pizza and Aubree's are only blocks away?
Tower Inn
This used to be my favorite pizza in town when I lived on College Pl. just a couple of blocks away. I loved it. And for some reason, I havent eaten there even once in the last six years since I moved ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN to where I live now. I feel bad about that since ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN is probably less than a mile.
Tower Inn has that whole EMU campus thing going on. There are always lots of students in there and that gives it a nice atmosphere, imho. It is also the only place I can think of in town where one can get a greek pizza with gyro meat as an item *and* get an order of OPA! cheese too. Plus they are right by Ypsilanti's famous water town (hence the name, I imagine). So I guess I want to give them an honorable mention even though "I havent eaten there in six years" might not be the glowing review they deserve.
That is it folks although there are lots more pizza places in Ypsilanti. If there is one thing that is nice about Ypsilanti, it is that there are no shortages of places to get good pizza. So where are your favorite places to get pizza?
I skipped lunch today. That is my excuse. You see, I was *really* hungry when I drove by that new Cici's Pizza Buffet place. I decided that pizza sounded good for dinner and somehow the rumbling in my tummy turned my brain off. Otherwise, it might have occurred to me that the pizza in a place located in the same strip mall as WalMart, that advertises an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet for under $5, might not have the best pizza in town.
While I was waiting for the pizza I ordered, I took the opportunity to take a look at their buffet. It seemed pretty straight forward. There were three kinds of tossed salads differentiated as far as I could tell mostly by the type of dressing they put on the lettuce (italian, ranch, or ceasar). There were some uninspiring looking breadsticks and some decent looking desserts. There were around a dozen different kinds of pizza and also pasta with a choice of marinara or alfredo sauces.
I decided to get a medium pizza "to go" since I wasnt in the mood to eat in. I ordered just a plain old pepperoni pizza because I believe that pepperoni pizzas are the pizzas to judge all other pizzas by. If a place can make a decent pepperon pizza, it is a good bet that all of their other pizzas will pass muster too. I have to say that after eating a slice of the pizza I ordered, I immediately realized how Cici's might be able to turn a profit on their all-you-can-eat buffet because I realized that one slice was about all I could eat of this pizza. The dogs liked it though but they eat cat poop at every opportunity so I wouldnt take it to mean much that they liked it. Although I havent eaten Domino's Pizza in years, I think that this pizza might be even worse or at the very least along the same vein. It isnt entirely uneatable and might appeal to someone who just wants something bland that tastes like cheese and tomato sauce on cardboard. I will give Cici's one thumbs up though. They do seem to use a pepperoni that has *some* flavor to it. Not enough to make it worth anyone's while to actually go there though.
Domino's Pizza
I have decided to include Domino's Pizza in my review mostly because I think it is one of the world's great ironies that one of the world's largest sellers of bad pizza could get its start in a town like Ypsilanti Michigan where there is good pizza everywhere. Before going to Cici's, I would have said that Domino's makes the WORST pizza in town but now I think they might have a run for their money.
Aubree's
The truth is that I have only had a proper pizza from Aubree's a couple of times. I seldom seem to order pizza there anymore though because I usually seem to end up there during happy hour when their Calzones are half price. But Calzones are really just folded up pizza so I feel qualified to write a review of Aubree's pizza.
Generally I think that Aubree's Pizzas are pretty darn good. They might even be the best pizza in town. The crust has a nice texture and flavor. The sauce has character. The toppings are of a quality one would expect from a good pizza. All in all, a winner. I would even say Aubree's happy hour half price calzones are the best pizza value in all of Ypsilanti except that I usually find myself having a couple happy hour mojitos or martinis or whatever the drink of the day happens to be so I end up spending more money than I would otherwise and sometimes have to walk home afterwards. Oh well, the atmosphere is good there and I usually go with friends so it is all good. In fact, I can honestly say that Aubree's is one of my favorite places to meet up with folks.
Mr Pizza
This is a local chain but you know what, it is pretty darn good pizza. It isnt very expensive either. The have all the usual things that make a good pizza. Good toppings and good sauce. It is their crust that I like the best though. It is all nice and crispy on the outside but really soft on the inside. It is strong enough to hold the toppings without tasting like cardboard. I probably eat their pizza the most because it is so cheap and so close by that I can easily take advantage of their pick-up specials.
Mr Pizza has a menu that includes a lot of non-pizza items and also has a catagory that I like to think of as "things we can make out of pizza dough." My very favorite guilty pleasure from that section of their menu are the cinnamon sticks which are pizza dough with cinnamon sugar and vanilla icing. It is sugar shock in the extreme so I dont get it very often but if you are jonesing for some sugar, it is one pretty good way to get it. I like those things more than I like donuts.
Happy's Pizza
This is a pretty new place over near the corner of Michigan Ave and Ecorse Rd. I tried it a few months ago right after they opened. I dont have much to say about them . Their pizza was decent but not as good or as cheap as Mr Pizza's which is it's main competition. Like Mr Pizza, they have a huge non-pizza menu. Basically, my opinion of them is that you wont go wrong there but why bother when Mr Pizza and Aubree's are only blocks away?
Tower Inn
This used to be my favorite pizza in town when I lived on College Pl. just a couple of blocks away. I loved it. And for some reason, I havent eaten there even once in the last six years since I moved ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN to where I live now. I feel bad about that since ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN is probably less than a mile.
Tower Inn has that whole EMU campus thing going on. There are always lots of students in there and that gives it a nice atmosphere, imho. It is also the only place I can think of in town where one can get a greek pizza with gyro meat as an item *and* get an order of OPA! cheese too. Plus they are right by Ypsilanti's famous water town (hence the name, I imagine). So I guess I want to give them an honorable mention even though "I havent eaten there in six years" might not be the glowing review they deserve.
That is it folks although there are lots more pizza places in Ypsilanti. If there is one thing that is nice about Ypsilanti, it is that there are no shortages of places to get good pizza. So where are your favorite places to get pizza?
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Some Thoughts on Feminism
One of the things I have been thinking about a lot lately because of some discussion I have read on various feminist blogs has been about make up and girly things and how those fit into feminism or how they don’t as the case may be. A lot of discussion has been around how such things are not tools of empowerment but rather survival skills in a patriarchy. Many are saying that it is perfectly reasonable for a woman to employ traditional trappings of femininity in order to gain power from men since it is still one way to do it. Some say that since women now have other options, options that result in women actually being seen as capable, they should leave the trappings of femininity behind. Others say that one should just do what one wants to do and should wear makeup and get married or whatever they else they want to do as long as they recognize that when other women chose not to do those things, it is a valid choice. I have to admit that I am in that camp. I simply cannot bring myself to get offended when another woman shaves her legs or puts on lipstick.
The discussion brought up some other thoughts though. One blogger, while talking about her love of things feminine made a comment along the lines of “no one ever accused me of being a feminist because I couldn’t find a man” (I cannot for the life of me remember which of the dozens of feminist bloggers I read who said that so I apologize for not giving credit.). That particular line got me thinking more about feminism than any other thing I read. Because you see, to me…lipstick is just lipstick and shaving one’s legs is something a person either does or doesn’t do and generally I don’t think about it too much unless I feel that I am being judged for not wearing makeup and not often shaving my legs or not having a man in my life as a romantic partner. You see, the thing of it is…I think that I am a feminist because I cant get a man. Seriously. (we will all just forget for a moment as I often do that when I say that I cant get a man, what I really mean is that I cant get a man that I want. I suppose if getting a man were my only concern, I could choose someone I am not interested in)
Ok. So here is the thing. By and large, I have been rejected by the patriarchy. I get no power from men. Men do not generally pay me compliments. Men generally do not ask me out. Sometimes men treat me badly because of how I look. Some women do too but they are usually women who get a lot of positive attention from men. Like it or not, getting a lot of attention from men gives women power in our culture. Less so than in times past but even today a woman can trade her beauty for economic security. It isn’t an accident really that most women’s economic position rises considerably with marriage. Men’s economic positions also rise with marriage but there seems to be less of an effect. There are other less obvious ways that women often find their self worth attached to the attention they get from men. I see this everywhere. From the shelves of books at the bookstore with instructions on how to get a man or how to keep a man to the comments made by single women along the lines of “Lots of men want me, I am single because I want to be” which may be true but still acknowledges that the attention of men is a valuable thing for a woman. (And to be fair, the attention of women can be valuable for a man but it seems different to me somehow and I am sure it is a power differential I am sensing)
Men, for whatever reason, are often attracted to women who take an effort to appear feminine. Now, of course there are all kinds of women who don’t wear make up and dont shave who still find themselves shacked up with some guy. I will just say that if one happens to be very overweight and also chooses not to wear makeup, high heel shoes, feminine clothing, etc that one’s odds of finding a guy drop considerably.
At any rate, at some point in my life, I stopped internalizing the bad messages our patriarchal culture was giving me that I was somehow not deserving because of my body or my choice be somewhat hairy and without lipstick on a regular basis. I stopped being offended by the phrase “women in comfortable shoes” since I generally like to wear comfortable shoes. What is wrong with comfortable shoes? Eventually, I decided that the real problem was outside me and that it was a problem with the culture at large and it was feminists and feminist writing that helped me see that. It was feminists who helped me take all of that self-loathing and put it outside me. And at some point I realized that I could starve myself and spend more time than I wanted to molding myself into a version of myself that was more approved by our culture OR I could just be the me that I have learned to love. I could learn that it is ok for a woman to choose to be herself even if it means not attracting a man. That was a very freeing moment in my life because once my sense of self worth was no longer in any way attached to attention from males, I could stop worrying about the lack of male attention I was getting and I could start paying attention other, more important, things.
And so…I have accepted that I am a single woman. But being a single woman has also made me appreciate feminism all the more. You see, married women do not feel things like the wage gap as much as single women do because their household’s incomes include a man’s income although I imagine that divorced women and especially divorced women with children feel the wage gap even more than single women do. Being single has made me appreciate the advances that have been made by feminists before me. I can have a job that is something other than being a librarian, a nurse, a teacher, or a social worker. I can own property and get a mortgage. I can vote. In short, I can do everything I need to do in order to have a fulfilling life even without a man.
More than just that though, being a single woman has given me a point of view of the outside looking in. There are a lot of amazing women in the world who have been blessed with incredible good looks, who get lots of positive attention from our patriarchal culture who have managed to still see all of the things I see. There are men who have managed to become feminists too. Those men and women are amazing. I don’t think I would have been one of those women though. I suspect that if I were given lots of power by the patriarchy, I would probably have used it for evil instead of for good. I think I needed to be challenged strongly in order to form my views in a way that was different than the patriarchal culture I was brought up in. I needed to be a woman in order to understand male privilege. I needed to be fat in order to understand how unfairly fat people and fat women in particular are treated in our culture. I say this because even with the challenges I have been given, I still accept at least some of the patriarchal notions of our culture. But I am working on it.
I know that is a thought somewhat far away from “is it ok for feminists to wear lipstick” but there you go. Sometimes I start in one place and end up someplace completely different.
The discussion brought up some other thoughts though. One blogger, while talking about her love of things feminine made a comment along the lines of “no one ever accused me of being a feminist because I couldn’t find a man” (I cannot for the life of me remember which of the dozens of feminist bloggers I read who said that so I apologize for not giving credit.). That particular line got me thinking more about feminism than any other thing I read. Because you see, to me…lipstick is just lipstick and shaving one’s legs is something a person either does or doesn’t do and generally I don’t think about it too much unless I feel that I am being judged for not wearing makeup and not often shaving my legs or not having a man in my life as a romantic partner. You see, the thing of it is…I think that I am a feminist because I cant get a man. Seriously. (we will all just forget for a moment as I often do that when I say that I cant get a man, what I really mean is that I cant get a man that I want. I suppose if getting a man were my only concern, I could choose someone I am not interested in)
Ok. So here is the thing. By and large, I have been rejected by the patriarchy. I get no power from men. Men do not generally pay me compliments. Men generally do not ask me out. Sometimes men treat me badly because of how I look. Some women do too but they are usually women who get a lot of positive attention from men. Like it or not, getting a lot of attention from men gives women power in our culture. Less so than in times past but even today a woman can trade her beauty for economic security. It isn’t an accident really that most women’s economic position rises considerably with marriage. Men’s economic positions also rise with marriage but there seems to be less of an effect. There are other less obvious ways that women often find their self worth attached to the attention they get from men. I see this everywhere. From the shelves of books at the bookstore with instructions on how to get a man or how to keep a man to the comments made by single women along the lines of “Lots of men want me, I am single because I want to be” which may be true but still acknowledges that the attention of men is a valuable thing for a woman. (And to be fair, the attention of women can be valuable for a man but it seems different to me somehow and I am sure it is a power differential I am sensing)
Men, for whatever reason, are often attracted to women who take an effort to appear feminine. Now, of course there are all kinds of women who don’t wear make up and dont shave who still find themselves shacked up with some guy. I will just say that if one happens to be very overweight and also chooses not to wear makeup, high heel shoes, feminine clothing, etc that one’s odds of finding a guy drop considerably.
At any rate, at some point in my life, I stopped internalizing the bad messages our patriarchal culture was giving me that I was somehow not deserving because of my body or my choice be somewhat hairy and without lipstick on a regular basis. I stopped being offended by the phrase “women in comfortable shoes” since I generally like to wear comfortable shoes. What is wrong with comfortable shoes? Eventually, I decided that the real problem was outside me and that it was a problem with the culture at large and it was feminists and feminist writing that helped me see that. It was feminists who helped me take all of that self-loathing and put it outside me. And at some point I realized that I could starve myself and spend more time than I wanted to molding myself into a version of myself that was more approved by our culture OR I could just be the me that I have learned to love. I could learn that it is ok for a woman to choose to be herself even if it means not attracting a man. That was a very freeing moment in my life because once my sense of self worth was no longer in any way attached to attention from males, I could stop worrying about the lack of male attention I was getting and I could start paying attention other, more important, things.
And so…I have accepted that I am a single woman. But being a single woman has also made me appreciate feminism all the more. You see, married women do not feel things like the wage gap as much as single women do because their household’s incomes include a man’s income although I imagine that divorced women and especially divorced women with children feel the wage gap even more than single women do. Being single has made me appreciate the advances that have been made by feminists before me. I can have a job that is something other than being a librarian, a nurse, a teacher, or a social worker. I can own property and get a mortgage. I can vote. In short, I can do everything I need to do in order to have a fulfilling life even without a man.
More than just that though, being a single woman has given me a point of view of the outside looking in. There are a lot of amazing women in the world who have been blessed with incredible good looks, who get lots of positive attention from our patriarchal culture who have managed to still see all of the things I see. There are men who have managed to become feminists too. Those men and women are amazing. I don’t think I would have been one of those women though. I suspect that if I were given lots of power by the patriarchy, I would probably have used it for evil instead of for good. I think I needed to be challenged strongly in order to form my views in a way that was different than the patriarchal culture I was brought up in. I needed to be a woman in order to understand male privilege. I needed to be fat in order to understand how unfairly fat people and fat women in particular are treated in our culture. I say this because even with the challenges I have been given, I still accept at least some of the patriarchal notions of our culture. But I am working on it.
I know that is a thought somewhat far away from “is it ok for feminists to wear lipstick” but there you go. Sometimes I start in one place and end up someplace completely different.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
BRRRR
I didn’t quite do all of the things I needed to do in order to get ready for the cold but I did a lot of them. Enough that I know my furnace is working and all my windows are shut and the room air conditioner has been put away. I still ended up scraping some ice off my car with a credit card this morning but hey, that’s life right?
Today we had our first snow and some of the snow even stuck to the ground for a bit. That is soooo Michigan. It was in the high 70’s on the weekend and now, just a few days later, it is snowing. We will probably have a few more warm days before winter sets in for good. But then it is darkness and cold for months.
I have been pretty busy lately and exhausted after work. So I haven’t been blogging much. It isn’t really that I don’t have the time, it is that I am usually mentally gone at the end of the day. I still think about all kinds of things but seem to have trouble putting them into words.
I will try to do a more meaningful post though. I have some interesting thoughts kicking around.
Today we had our first snow and some of the snow even stuck to the ground for a bit. That is soooo Michigan. It was in the high 70’s on the weekend and now, just a few days later, it is snowing. We will probably have a few more warm days before winter sets in for good. But then it is darkness and cold for months.
I have been pretty busy lately and exhausted after work. So I haven’t been blogging much. It isn’t really that I don’t have the time, it is that I am usually mentally gone at the end of the day. I still think about all kinds of things but seem to have trouble putting them into words.
I will try to do a more meaningful post though. I have some interesting thoughts kicking around.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Getting Ready for Winter
I am getting ready for winter. I have a lot to do. I did one thing this weekend but an important thing. I went to Costco and bought enough toilet paper to last me until Spring. It might seem like a silly thing but trust me, there is some kind of weird thing that happens around here whenever a heavy snow is forecast: People run out to the store and buy toilet paper and water. It is weird. I might say that I dont get it except I can imagine that one time a person simply doesnt want to have to run to the store because they ran out of toilet paper is when there is a foot of snow on the ground!
So now that is done. The rest of my list is just more chores:
Sometimes when I look at my list, I have to remember to be grateful that I dont have nearly the preperation for winter people in the past used to have. I dont have to put up food for the whole winter. I dont have to cut and stack enough wood to heat my house for a whole winter. I dont have to do a lot of things. Yup, things could be a lot more difficult for me.
So now that is done. The rest of my list is just more chores:
- Bring in the air conditioner from the bedroom window. I think I am safe and wont have need of it until next summer.
- Close up the upstairs bedroom. I am going to put plastic on the windows up there and also close off the vents. No point in heating it more than I have to. It didnt even occur to me to do those things last year. I hope doing that will make my heating bills a little lower.
- Put up plastic sheeting on all windows except the front window that the dogs like to look out of.
- Change the furnace filter and turn the furnace on to make sure it works. Yup, once again, I had all summer to change that darn filter and once again, I wait until the last minute :)
- Mow the lawn.
- Find the snow shovel
- and maybe find the ice scraper for my car. I know I wont get around to this one but I always put it on my list in the hopes that maybe one year, I wont find myself trying to scrape frost off the windshield with a credit card on the first big frost.
Sometimes when I look at my list, I have to remember to be grateful that I dont have nearly the preperation for winter people in the past used to have. I dont have to put up food for the whole winter. I dont have to cut and stack enough wood to heat my house for a whole winter. I dont have to do a lot of things. Yup, things could be a lot more difficult for me.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Literacy: A Lost Art?
Some years ago, I came across a website about someone named George who did tech support. I do tech support and since my job is to take escalations from the people who answer the phones, I sometimes would get frustrated by the cases escalated to me. They don’t always contain the information I need. Sometimes basic troubleshooting steps are left undone, especially if it is a newer person answering the phone. I always loved the George website because I could always take comfort in knowing that no matter how badly I had it, no one I worked with was as bad as George. Because while sometimes people might be lacking in technical knowledge or might not have basic troubleshooting skills, at least they were literate and I could understand them.
No so anymore. I don’t know where some of these people have come from but I am constantly amazed at the cases that get escalated to me. We have not one “George” either but at least a half a dozen of them, not counting the two people for whom English is a second language. I mean seriously, these people are functionally illiterate. They cannot spell. They cannot write in complete sentences. They cannot figure out even the most basic things. In fact, they are so bad that when I recently visited the George website because they reminded me of it so much, I realized that George would be an improvement!
Now I realize that my bad habit of not editing my own posts on this blog really means that I shouldnt be shaking the grammar and spelling stick at anyone else. I am often sloppy and lazy in my writing. And yet people seem to understand what I write for the most part. These people at work are beyond terrible.
It makes me wonder about the current labor market. I mean Michigan has the highest unemployment rate in the ENTIRE COUNTRY. While the entry level tech support jobs don’t pay especially well, they pay a lot better than places like WalMart or McDonalds. One would think that basic writing skills would not be too difficult to find. But apparently that is not the case. Still it has me wondering about the labor market in my area. Is there a shortage of people with a basic education? Is this some kind of fluke or a sign of a larger problem?
Thursday, October 05, 2006
So Yummy
I am not a person who naturally eats a lot of fruits and vegetables. It isnt that I don’t like them, it is just that I like other things, like chocolate chip cookies, more. So I have to sneak them into my diet. I make sure I always buy them when I go shopping so I have them lying around and I do things like cut raw celery up so that when I am hungry, they will be the easiest thing to eat. I like to think of it as making my laziness work *for* me.
So I want to share my latest yummy dish which gives me a triple whammy of fruit serving and fills me up enough that I count it as a whole meal. I take three apples and cut them up. I am lazy so I usually leave the skins on but I’ll admit this is better if you bother to peal them. I put the cut up apples in a bowl and I put a small pat of butter on them followed by a shot of dark rum and some cinnamon. I microwave it all for 3-4 minutes until the apples get hot and soft. Then I take it out and put granola and maybe a little plain yogurt on top. YUM!
So I want to share my latest yummy dish which gives me a triple whammy of fruit serving and fills me up enough that I count it as a whole meal. I take three apples and cut them up. I am lazy so I usually leave the skins on but I’ll admit this is better if you bother to peal them. I put the cut up apples in a bowl and I put a small pat of butter on them followed by a shot of dark rum and some cinnamon. I microwave it all for 3-4 minutes until the apples get hot and soft. Then I take it out and put granola and maybe a little plain yogurt on top. YUM!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Nothing Much Happening Here
I have been in a bad mood for the past couple of days which is OK. I sometimes just get into bad moods. But this time, I don’t have any particular reason to be in a bad mood or at least I don’t have a reason that I am especially conscious of. It is possible that I am avoiding something emotional somewhere. Or it might be that my new work schedule is particularly bad for my tendency to get depressed when the days are shorter. I think I will have to find my full spectrum light. Oh well, I am sure it will all come to the surface sooner or later and then I and my good friends Ben and Jerry can have a little pity party and it will be all cathartic and wonderful and I can embrace some glorious sadness that brings me to my knees ala Sarah McLachlan.
I have been mostly pretty anti-social since my return from my vacation which is ok because I think I needed some alone time. I did go up to the lake last weekend where I found the road closed. So I parked my car in a nearby subdivision and walked in and chatted with the neighbors who were also the workers because that is how things are done up there. If the road needs fixin’ the guys on the street do the fixin’. They seemed be enjoying themselves though driving a tractor and spreading gravel all over the place. Some guys dig that kind of thing I guess.
I have been filling my time watching Rome, an HBO series. I had high expectations for this TV show since I am quite fond of all things from Ancient Rome. I even took Latin in high school which allowed me the privilege of reading De Bello Gallico in Latin. Rome is one of the few European cities I have actually visited. But I find that I don’t love this show as much as I expected and I think it is because some of the historical licenses they take bug me. I suspect that if I didn’t know as much about Roman history as I know, I might find myself enjoying it more. As it is, they keep to history for major plot points so I know what is going to happen. I mean, it wasn’t a surprise to me when Caesar crossed the Rubicon and entered Rome nor was it a surprise to me when he found no resistance there. But then there are details they change to make things more interesting and that bothers me too. Oh well. I think I would have preferred an entirely fictional drama with Roman characters that were not of historical note.
On a more local note, someone finally bought the house next door to me which has been vacant for the entire six years that I have lived in my house. And luckily for me, the new owner of the place seems very nice. She has a couple of kids who are nice too. I think she and her family will make a nice addition to our block. Whatever fears I had about some jerk moving in there are gone now and it makes me happy to see such a nice family move in.
I have been mostly pretty anti-social since my return from my vacation which is ok because I think I needed some alone time. I did go up to the lake last weekend where I found the road closed. So I parked my car in a nearby subdivision and walked in and chatted with the neighbors who were also the workers because that is how things are done up there. If the road needs fixin’ the guys on the street do the fixin’. They seemed be enjoying themselves though driving a tractor and spreading gravel all over the place. Some guys dig that kind of thing I guess.
I have been filling my time watching Rome, an HBO series. I had high expectations for this TV show since I am quite fond of all things from Ancient Rome. I even took Latin in high school which allowed me the privilege of reading De Bello Gallico in Latin. Rome is one of the few European cities I have actually visited. But I find that I don’t love this show as much as I expected and I think it is because some of the historical licenses they take bug me. I suspect that if I didn’t know as much about Roman history as I know, I might find myself enjoying it more. As it is, they keep to history for major plot points so I know what is going to happen. I mean, it wasn’t a surprise to me when Caesar crossed the Rubicon and entered Rome nor was it a surprise to me when he found no resistance there. But then there are details they change to make things more interesting and that bothers me too. Oh well. I think I would have preferred an entirely fictional drama with Roman characters that were not of historical note.
On a more local note, someone finally bought the house next door to me which has been vacant for the entire six years that I have lived in my house. And luckily for me, the new owner of the place seems very nice. She has a couple of kids who are nice too. I think she and her family will make a nice addition to our block. Whatever fears I had about some jerk moving in there are gone now and it makes me happy to see such a nice family move in.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
RSS Feed
I just wanted to mention that I have placed a button near the bottom of this page to make it easier to subcribe to this blog using a favorite RSS feed reader, bloglines. I'll post it here too:
I have found that using an RSS feed reader has made blogging much easier for me. It allows me to read blogs that arent updated frequently without needing to check them every day. It also allows me to keep everything somewhat organized.
I have found that using an RSS feed reader has made blogging much easier for me. It allows me to read blogs that arent updated frequently without needing to check them every day. It also allows me to keep everything somewhat organized.
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