I'm So Hot, I Have Men Camped Out On My Front Lawn

I am really tired today. I woke up at around 4:30 this morning and I happened to look out of my front window. There was a guy camped out on my front lawn with a sleeping bag! At first I thought he was a dog so I went and put some clothes on so I could go out to see if it had tags but when I looked out of the window again, I noticed he was standing up and wearing his hooded sleeping bag like a cape and dressed only in his underpants. I really couldn’t tell much about him except that he was no dog. He was just a silhouette in the glow of the street light.

He kind of reminded me of a guy I used to know named Bruce who always wore a hooded cape and had I not recently learned of Bruce’s death, I might have actually thought it was him. Not only because of the cape but because it simply wouldn’t surprise me to find Bruce sleeping on some random lawn in Ypsilanti. In a way I wish it had been Bruce because that would mean that the rumors I had heard of his death had been false. Also, I know that he wouldn’t ever hurt anyone.

I thought of just ignoring the guy and letting him try to get some small amount of sleep. But I couldn’t. I mean, I just couldn’t go back to sleep myself knowing that guy was out there. It was creepy. I kept thinking of that naked man who broke into my house a few years back. What if *this* guy decided to try something similar while I was asleep? There were my neighbors to consider too. What if he decided to try something similar over at their houses while they were asleep? It just didn’t seem prudent to ignore him.

I didn’t want to deal with him on my own though either. So I called the police. As usual, I was very impressed with the response I got from the Ypsilanti Police Department. I called their non-emergency number and they were still at my house within five minutes. They told me that hanging out dressed in underpants and wearing a sleeping bag like a cape is not a crime but they were sympathetic that I was scared about the guy being on my lawn. And they got him to leave although he left his sleeping bag. I moved that this morning because it looked like it could be an expensive one and since today is trash day, I worried that it might get picked up. At any rate, I continue to have a strong appreciation for the Ypsilanti Police Department. They’ve always responded quickly even for minor things.

I cant get this guy off of my mind though. Why was he camped out on my front lawn? I mean other than the obvious explanation that I am so beautiful that it isn’t surprising at all for me to have men camped on my front lawn ;). But seriously, I wonder what his story is. Is he one of the mentally ill guys from one of the local group homes? Is he one of those people in town who get caught up in all of the drugs and prostitution that goes on over on Michigan Ave? Was he kicked out of his house in the middle of the night to wander the neighborhood wearing only his underpants? I guess there is no way to know. I hope that he is ok. I hope that the police could help him.

Update: I found out later that the sleeping bag belonged to my neighbor where it had been stolen from her truck. I am especially glad that I moved the sleeping bag now that I know it didnt even belong to him but actually belonged to my neighbor.