I have been reading a number of feminist blogs lately and have found them to be very enlightening. I stumbled upon them while searching the internet for fat positive blogs and it turns out that a lot of the fat liberation stuff is closely tied with the women’s liberation stuff which isn’t all that surprising since even though fat men get their share of hate, fat women get a double whammy. Mostly I think this is because so many men value women mostly on how they look rather than any other qualities they might have.
As a person who has been fat for her entire adult life, I can talk about how this particular cultural value has hurt me. But I don’t really want to talk about that – not because I don’t think my experiences have value but because I am simply not in the mood to remember some of the more painful times in my life. Instead, I want to talk about this cultural value hurts the very people who perpetuate it most: MEN. That is right, our fat phobic patriarchal society hurts MEN too and the men it hurts the most are the very men who seem the most eager to engage in behavior designed to keep women and especially fat women down.
I recently read an article linked on a blog called Fatty McBlog (an excellent blog, btw. I highly recommend it). This article was about a practice that some men engage in that they call ‘hogging’ – having sex with a fat woman in order to humiliate her. Read the article in the link to get a fuller understanding of the practice. Granted, this particular practice is most likely only engaged in by a minority of men. I have been lucky in that none of the men I have ever called friend has never to my knowledge ever engaged in any of the behavior described in the article. Nevertheless, this practice of ‘hogging’ has been on my mind since I have had the misfortune to encounter such men in the past.
After I got over my initial anger towards the men in the article, I found myself feeling a little bit sorry for them. That there are men in the world who honestly view women only as a warm hole for their penis and/or a trophy deeply disturbed me. Because I know that relationships can be so much more than that. Any man who sees women this way, who basically views women with contempt, surely is unable to form the type of emotional attachment with one. Deep emotional attachments are highly rewarding and frankly, these guys are totally missing out. Even if they happen to find a woman who they consider trophy material, they are still missing out. And missing out not on just some small thing but missing out on one of life’s greatest pleasures: emotional connection to another human being.
I cant imagine not having that in my life. I would rather die and I am not exaggerating when I say that. It is *worse* that suffering the occasional humiliation at the hands of that sort of person. I can honestly say that I would rather be me (a fat middle aged single woman) than one of them.