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Monday, June 26, 2006

He's Just Not That Into You

I spent the weekend up at the lake which was, as usual, rather fun. I found some time to do some reading which is something I always enjoy. I didnt end up reading the book I brought up with me though. It turned out that my sister has a copy of He's Just Not That Into You which I have wanted to read for a while but was unwilling to buy. I figured that if I read it, it would piss me off so much that I would regret having supported the author by buying the book.

Yes, I went into this book thinking that I would hate it and that it would have me ranting and raving and getting pissed off. I certainly didnt feel I needed to read the thing even though in the past I have been prone to deluding myself that men had feelings for me that werent really there. The thing is that even while I was doing it, I always have known deep down that I was.

Still, I typically hate these kinds of books. Mostly because they are a testament to the pressure our culture puts on women to have a mate. So much pressure that books such as list are often on bestseller lists. I would die of shock if I ever saw a book titled _She's Just Not That Into You_ hit the shelves and sell well.

So, I read this book and found that there were indeed parts of it that pissed me off. But I was surprised that there were a great many messages in the book that I agreed with and think are probably a healthy way of looking at things. Things that would, btw, apply equally to both men and women in the dating world.

The things that I disagreed with were mostly things like "he's just not that into you if he doesnt ask you out" since I dont really buy that it always has to be a man's responsibility to ask women out and I know for a fact that there are lots of men who are shy and dont frequently ask women out. It just seems like too much game playing when a woman really likes someone and instead of being up front about it, waits around waiting to be asked out. Which doesnt mean that I dont like being asked out. No, I love it! But so do a lot of the men I know. I also didnt like message that if he isnt constantly calling, it means he isnt that into a women. I mean, I am pretty bad about calling my friends and it honestly doesnt mean that I dont love them. It means that I am kind of scatter brained and sometimes forget when I said I would call. Maybe it even means that I am jerk. Sometimes, when I am REALLY into someone, I wont call them on purpose because I am afraid of coming on too strongly.

The messages I did agree with though were that it is ok to have standards when it comes to dating and that it is better to be single than to be with someone who doesn’t meet those standards. For instance, if being married is very important to one, then dating a guy who wont get married or who is already married is probably a dead end. And even as far as the phone calls and being asked out is concerned...well...if being asked out and getting phone calls are important to a person, then asking someone out and dating guys who dont pick up the phone probably isnt the best idea. And most importantly, if being treated well is what one wants then making excuses for a mate's bad behavior is probably not the best thing.

But, of course, I already knew all of that. I had to learn it all the hard way. I suppose this book could be helpful for some women (and even some men) but all in all, I would have to say that most people I know also already know all of this stuff and, in fact, have been telling me a lot of it for years. So...if you are like most of my friends, this is a book that would be wasted on you. You would read the sensible parts while thinking "well duh" I mean a lot of it boils down to if he doesn’t treat you nicely, then he doesn’t like you enough. Well DUH!

1 comment:

Sandy said...

Isn't there some famous quote about never underestimating the stupidity of the American public? LOL.