I have been pretty busy lately. Well sort of busy. Busy for a person who suffers from seasonal depression.
My depression has taken on a different form this year. I doubt it could be considered a clinical depression as I am pretty sure I dont meet the criteria for it listed in the DSM-IV. But I certainly feel a lot different than I do in the summertime.
I am not living in a dark place sitting around listening to "I am a rock" while crying big goopy tears into my bowl of oatmeal. I am not having an internal debate about how to off myself and wondering if wanting to build a garage so I can sit in my running car counts as real suicidal ideation when obviously, I have no intention of building a garage anytime soon. In fact, quite the opposite. On days when I dont have anything to do, I really have found that I have been enjoying myself and I generally feel contented with myself and my life.
No, mostly this year, I am feeling kind of low energy. If I won the lottery right now, I would probably use my millions to quit my job so I could sit around in my pajamas all day watching movies. Yeah, this year it isnt so much darkness and despair but rather just a feeling of being overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed by work. I feel overwhelmed by school. I feel overwhelmed by all of the little chores we all need to do just to get by. Even taking a shower has become a big deal for me (but dont worry, in the interest of social harmony, I am managing to struggle through).
Oh well. I guess it is a pretty normal state of mind for winter in Michigan. In two days though, it will be Groundhog's Day. All I can say is that little bugger had better NOT see his darn shadow this year!