I am going on vacation for a while so I don’t know how often I will get to post to the blog. Check back in a couple of weeks dear readers!
I really need this time away from work too. I have been hating it more and more. I know that makes my work suffer but I still get pissed when I get a bad performance review. It is tough too because I think that most of the review was unfair although I also know that my work has suffered lately. I will own the bad attitude, that was a fair remark. I do have a bad attitude. Still, getting punished for a bad attitude always reminds me of that "The beatings will continue until morale improves" joke. But ok, whatever. I'll take the bad attitude comment. Some of the other ones though just seemed very off base. If there is one thing I hate, it is when someone writes in my review that I don’t have confidence to do things. I saw that written there: “Lynne doesnt have the confidence to try new things.”
I just had to ask, “what makes you say that? Up until a couple of months ago when I was specifically told to concentrate on the things I know and do well, I was trying all kinds of new things. I am capable of doing any job in this department and I am capable of learning any task”
Ah...frustration. This is the second review I have had with this particular supervisor and this is the second time this has been on my review and I cant really figure out why. I mean, do they *really* want me to swagger around the department telling everyone how awesome I am the way some of the guys do? Yeeeeah... I might just have to start swaggering around essentially telling everyone how big my dick is because that is the only thing I can think of that my co-workers do that I don’t that has anything to do with confidence. I mean actually doing tasks outside of my comfort zone apparently doesnt cut the mustard when it comes to confidence.
Anyhow, I am angry right now. Angry at them for being such bad managers but mostly angry at myself for not taking more initiative and for not kicking myself in the pants and for not lighting a fire under my butt to get the fuck out of there. I am not sure why I am being so lazy about that. Fear I guess. I don’t know. I just need to keep reminding myself it is a dead end to put energy into hating the place and into wishing it would change when it so obviously isnt going to change.
I wrote a letter to Cary Tennis about it though. That was very cathartic!