I think I might have found yet another source of my perpetual doctor anxiety. I have had lots of opportunities to explore this lately because I have had five doctor’s appointments in the past four weeks. Most of them have been because I had a small surgical procedure done and then busted open the wound. They couldn’t restitch it and it is bad enough that they want to make sure it heals ok without getting infected.
Anyhow, I had another appointment this morning and I didn’t want to go because the wound is still not healing at a rate I would consider appropriate. Now granted I have never had a wound that was this deep before so I really have no idea how long it is supposed to take for it to heal. But it has been two and half weeks since the initial surgery and a week and half since I busted open all the stitches. Anyhow, the point is that I didn’t want to go to the doctor’s office this morning because I feel like this wound is a test and I am failing. Basically, for whatever reason, I have “test anxiety” about an ouchie on my butt.
Of course, it sounds silly once I say it out loud (or write about it in my blog). Still, it really hit me when I went in today and the doctor mentioned that it looked like I might be starting to develop an allergy to the tape and I felt all defensive about it. I think a lot of this has to do with a meme in our culture that people who get sick often get sick because of stuff they do. People are blamed for their illnesses. Which is totally stupid when one really thinks about it!
Anyway, I guess my Stuart Smalley affirmation of the day will be:
I am not responsible for the ouchie on my butt or for any allergies to tape that have resulted from my diligent care of the previously mentioned ouchie. And gosh darn it, people like me!